Lost and found

You'll never ever in a million years guess what got found today! Remember a month ago when I lost my right contact? Thank Heaven I never spent the money to replace it! My old left contact has still been working fine so I never bothered. Kailin was messing around in Colby's room this morning and somehow, somewhere, found it! Guess I now have a spare for either eye (the old left one). Now that you've been bored into a coma with tales from the carpet....I'll move on to the more important find.



This is difficult to articulate, and I admit that this find is also mostly for me. Before we adopted, I'd never have guessed that I would be triumphing over the day that I no longer felt the tenuous stretch of my relationship with my son. I didn't feel this way when we brought Kailin home - perhaps because she bonded so strongly with me right away or perhaps because she was younger, or maybe because I just didn't know to think any differently. With Colby rejecting me at first, I have felt - up until the last few days - as though I had to walk a little on eggshells with him. Like I couldn't just kiss him all over his fuzzy head whenever I wanted, that I couldn't do anything that might upset him for fear of shattering what little trust I felt like I waited so patiently to build. I've noticed in these past couple of days that I am feeling more free with him. I made him really angry the other night at dinner (not on purpose) and he still came to me for comfort and to make nice. That spoke volumes.

He's felt like mine since the first time he laid his exhausted head on my chest and he was mine when he reached up around my neck with his little hand and squeezed - but he's mine now in a much more intimate way. He's mine to snuggle and squeeze and tickle and mush around like I do with his sister. Not that I haven't been doing those things these weeks - I'm just doing them in a different way now. I wanted to record all of this because I never want to forget how God has filled my heart with warmth and love this week (ugly days and all) and it's a good reminder that being patient brings great reward.