Will you be my Valentine?

Kailin brought home an Eskimo today. There's a little wheel so you can make his face change emotion. Kailin was most excited to show me that she knew about the "worried" one. I told her that Steve would be really excited to see it, so I wasn't paying particular attention when she excitedly said, "Daddy, you have to see this!" I figured it was the Eskimo. It turned out to be a paper heart that her best bud, Andrew gave her. I figured they were cutting out hearts at school and he gave her the remnants. I inquired as to whether or not he also gave one to Peyton - the third of their little group. She said no, he'd only given one to her. I asked if he made it at school and she said that he made it at home and asked his mom if he could give it to her and then gave it to her on the bus. HEAVEN HELP US!!!! She promptly asked if she could cut out a heart to give to Andrew. I said she could and asked which color paper she'd like to use. "I think red" was the answer. We're in some deep, deep trouble, I think!!

...cut it off....

Colby's sick. I'm a little bit happy to say that. I know, sounds strange. We had an "incident" on Friday where he decided to play around instead of gathering his beloved kiki for nap. I told him he had one last chance to get it or he would be sleeping without it. Well my stubborn little ox held his ground and his stubborn mama did the same. He went to bed without the kiki. Note I didn't mention that he went to sleep. It was a LONG while and a LOT of screaming before he finally went to sleep.

Fast forward to 11:30 Friday night. A very hoarse voice is screaming for mama from the room next door. I went in (without my glasses) expecting to grab a bink or find the kiki and get back to bed. I was thinking to myself that I felt bad that something I did caused him to be so hoarse. As soon as I got in the room and he started barking at me, I knew I was in the clear. Then I picked him up and figured out that he had a fever. He and I spent an hour rocking in the rocking chair, him coughing uncontrollably from time to time and shaking like a leaf from the chills. Poor boy! At one point, I had a little "throat clear" cough and my dear, sweet, tender boy croaked out "you okay, mommy?" It is in moments like those that I am humbled by how blessed I am to have this boy in my life. They are also nice to stash away for times that aren't so sweet or tender - and they number many these days...

On Saturday night we had pasta which is one of Colby's favorites. However, midway through dinner he started whining and fussing. I asked him what was wrong and got a chorus of "my fing-er huwting!" I said, "What do you want me to do about it?" expecting a request for a kiss or maybe a bandaid. Instead came a pause and then a very froggy sounding "...cut it off...." We all burst out laughing! Upon further inspection, he had a hangnail and wanted me to clip it with the clippers. That boy....

I couldn't resist posting this picture of him posing as a rock star (maybe rapper) with the other Wonder Twin. They keep me on my toes, but they are beyond adorable to make up for it!

Christmas morning crying...

Bet "The Twelfth Day of Christmas" looked like my last post about Christmas this year, didn't it? Not so much. This should be the last one, though. I was capturing video of the kids singing Christmas carols the other night (long after Christmas as grabbing the camera was somehow out of reach on my big list of things to do before Christmas) and it made me remember that I wanted to blog about the Christmas gift Kailin made me at school.

I was expecting some sort of popsicle stick treasure similar to the Christmas tree ornaments I had all of the kids craft with sequins and painted popsicle sticks this year. What I got as I carefully loosened the tape on the hand stamped wrapping paper was an emotional (and tearful) reminder of just how quickly my little girl is growing up. It's something I will treasure for a long, long time to come, but I wanted to blog it here in the case, as oftentimes happens in our house, an awful fate befalls this little piece of art.

On the twelfth day of Christmas...

Yesterday was the twelfth day of Christmas - the official end of the Christmas season in the Christian World, the day when the wise men arrived at the stable, and the day that we took down our Christmas tree. It was also the first day of "just how long ARE we going to be finding Christmas tree needles?! Make no mistake - our taking down the tree had nothing at all to do with any symbolic "end of the era" or family tradition. It simply had to go. For the second time in 3 years, we got a white spruce tree and also for the second time in 3 years, it started shedding it's needles like a porcupine sheds quills - fast and furious!! One brush of the hand and poof - hundred of needles raining down. It took me literally an hour to vacuum up all the needles (two FULL canisters worth).

Oddly, Mr. "Someone's going to come and take my Kitmas tee" neurosis boy upon learning that we'd be hauling the beloved tree out to the curb said, "Oh good!" I give up. I'll never understand him!

From the mouths of babes....my lips are sealed.

It was a cloudy, grey day on Sunday. There was just one spot where the sun was trying so hard to poke through and the clouds glowed a warm and brilliant yellowy orange at the horizon. We were on our way to church and changed direction such that the spot was apparent to the kids in the backseat. We heard this from Kailin, "Colby - do you see over there? The sun is trying soooo hard to come up, but this wind just keeps pushing it back down!" I wish (as always) that I could truly help you to understand how it sounded. Her tone was so gentle - motherly almost. She wanted to share something with her brother, to help him learn. I love and cherish moments like those because I cling to them in times when their interactions are far less tender.

I so wish I had a picture of the second part of my post. I read once about a mom who when her children made a horrible mess or got into trouble went and got her camera instead of getting angry. I'm going to make it a goal this year to be that mom. Unfortunately for you (and for me), I failed this time. I was trying for the umpteenth time to have a conversation with Steve on Monday afternoon when Kailin came running in (yet again) screaming... "Mo-om!!!!" I'd had it with the multiple syllable form of my name and that's what un-did me regarding the camera vs. the anger, I'm afraid. Anyway, she said, "What does Colby have?" I told her I didn't know what he had. I became wary and asked if he was eating something (as I hadn't given him any food). She said no, it was something he had on his mouth not in it. He's had a penchant lately for stealing Kailin's purse (and assorted other items from all of us) and hiding them in his pockets, in his kiki, or under his pillow for his later enjoyment. I ran into the living room to find that he had pilfered a glue stick while I was cleaning out the kitchen drawer and had used it as "shapstick". He had purple (dries clear!) glue all over his lips and the surrounding area. Oh how I wish I had a picture!!! Stupid anger!! I told him that he needed to STOP hiding things in his kiki or I was going to throw his kikis out and he would have NO MORE KIKI!!!!!!!! I don't know if it worked, but thankfully the glue cleaned up pretty well.

In happier news, HE DID!!!! The trick was apparently dangling the carrot of underwear out there. He loves his underwear and there is no greater threat than taking it away. He's not had one single accident in his underwear and has actually woken up dry (we're still using a diaper at night just in case) almost every morning this past week or so. I'm so impressed and so very proud of my little guy!! We're still having trouble with #2 to be honest (he seems to be hesitant to do it on the potty yet, but we're working on it and he isn't doing it in his underwear (for that I am very thankful!!).

I don't.... Houston, we have lift off!!

For the longest time, Colby's been telling me "I nebber use the potty, Mommy." I didn't push because in the experience of my friends, it's futile and maddening to try to force a child who is not ready to toilet train. I did, however, offer at opportune times. And I always got the less than desirable "nebber" response. Then a week ago Thursday, Colby woke up dry. Even Kailin has only woken up dry a precious few number of times. Both kids are very deep sleepers, so I am not surprised. I knew his bladder had to be full, so I plunked him down on the potty and I got "Mom, I don't." He doesn't use the phrase "I can't" (I prefer the kids to say "I need help" not "I can't" but he just plain doesn't seem to know the word "can't" so he substitutes "don't" and it's pretty cute and also quite funny.

I told him that if he wasn't going to use the potty I was going to put his nighttime diaper back on. He prefers the pictures on his daytime diaper, so he was none too happy with me, but I figured the nighttime diaper was already wasted and I wasn't about to waste another one since he was inevitably going to go soon and fill the darned diaper. I tried hard not to be the least bit annoyed by any of it, but I kind of failed. I don't think I portrayed it outwardly, though.

The following morning I intended to put the kids in the tub first thing as we were planning on being out that evening on a date and were headed off to the Lemm's for the weekend on Saturday morning. Colby woke up dry again and although I have come to grips with the fact that all little boys will pee in the tub a little, I wasn't about to bathe both kids in an all night bladder full of it!! I plunked his little nudie back on the toilet and told him he wasn't getting in the bath until he peed. (It was true enough - if he hadn't gone on the toilet my intention was to bathe Kailin and then just shower him separately...)

Whether it was the combination of the running water and the full bladder, the threat of missing out on bath, or just God's gift to me I'll never know, but Colby said, "Oh, okay!!" and commenced emptying his entire bladder. It's like the switch had been thrown and he suddenly moved from solely being able to make a toot on the potty to knowing what made the pee come out. (sorry for the graphic nature of this post, but there's just no way around it) I'd been telling him that if he peed on the potty I'd get him some Diego pull ups and so after praising him up and down for his feat, I went that very day and got them. We haven't really looked back. I was sure we'd be back in diapers and we occasionally are for part of a day to drive home the point that he needs to go in the potty, but he's far more potty trained than I expected 8 days in!

We're still working on doing #2 in the potty, though. I was so amused on Tuesday this week when he ran his little buns into the kitchen and screamed at me "I need to POOP!!!" I hustled him off to the potty, got him on, and then he looked at me and shook his head and said definitively, "I don't." It continued to be funny to me the other seven times it happened that morning. "I don't." Not, "I don't go poop now" or "I don't need to"; just "I don't". I'm a little disappointed that he "still doesn't" more often than not, but I do know that #2 comes later for a lot of kids and truthfully, if it had to be one switch or the other, I'll take the control of #1 for now and we'll work on #2.

I'll post again when the glorious day comes that "he does". Ha ha ha. My little man is growing up!

lesson learned...

One of the many, many things I learned through this cancer journey is this - for all the kind deeds you (or someone else may do) it takes only one wicked act to undo them all. I say this for two reasons - one is that I was literally in awe of the power that one (albeit repeated) act of unkindness (is that even a word?) had over me to undo the very warmth and fulfillment that so many acts of selfless kindness had instilled. It made me really angry. Angry at the person who continually amazed me with her unwillingness to be kind, angry at myself for letting her (and the results of her action/inaction) make me angry, and angry that I allowed it to deflate me despite all the wonderful, caring actions of others. It was one of the hardest things I've ever gone through - to be so aware of my emotions and desire so much not to have them and yet seem powerless (I think from sheer exhaustion all around - mentally, emotionally, and physically) to overcome. I prayed a lot about it - and often. I know my prayers were not unanswered because the whole experience has caused me to grow - and that's the second reason I post this. I had an aha moment - an epiphany of sorts - although it was common sense really... it came to me just outside of a McDonald's drive through (I stopped to get a Diet Coke - one of my few delights during my ridiculous low iodine diet)... I just plain had to get a hold on the I want to feel. I had to turn the proverbial other cheek and just put my foot down on letting someone else's bad attitude and lack of concern control me. I know - intuitive, but before that moment I just didn't have it in me to do it. I suddenly did and I took a break from singing a Christmas carol to thank God right then and there for the opportunity to know the difference and recognize it. I want to look back (often) and remember that I should take every opportunity I can to be kind to someone not only because it is the right thing to do, but because you never know when someone has been brought to their emotional knees by an unkind act and your generosity or sensitivity or listening ear just may be the thing that causes them to get up off their knees and remember that there are kind and loving people in the world. I don't mean this to be a soapbox - I just mean it to be a reminder to myself that every single thing I do impacts someone in some way and I would much rather lift someone up than knock them down. 'Nuff said.