Great Expectations

Yesterday was supposed to be one of my favorite days of the year; the day we tromp out and cut down our Christmas tree and then fill the rest of the day with decorating the house and smelling the aroma of the fresh-cut tree. However, when it became clear that both of the kids were FAR underslept, I changed my expectations dramatically. I expected to be frazzled beyond belief and I expected to come home with whatever tree we could cut down the fastest. Unfortunately, with upcoming events, the deed had to get done yesterday - cranky kids or not. They were just at each other every single minute and when they weren't busy with that, they were whining to us or in time out. One of those days. Still, we loaded up around 10am and headed off to the tree farm.

I'm so glad that children are born destined never to do what we expect of them. I do wish, though, that I could learn to lower my expectations more often so that I could pave the way for my children to exceed them (read - turn me into a liar). Ha ha. The kids were pretty darn well behaved and actually got into the fun of things. Colby in particular (I think because he can't remember having done this last year) was just loving the whole thing. He ran along ahead with little regard to where (or if) we were behind him. Kailin was more cautious and worried about getting dirty or burrs or sticks and the like. I think she dashed some of Steve's budding hopes for her prospects as a geocaching, camping, fishing, or hunting partner. Ha ha. She's a girly girl and I don't think it can be helped. I started picking out some trees in jest - small ones, barren ones, or brown ones. Last year, Kailin would've agreed with me just to agree but this year she was entirely aware of the joke and would proclaim "No, Mom that one is too small (or brown or dead)!! We can't pick that one. Now where is our tree for real?" They tromped up and down the rows with excitement - making games with each other and giggling and laughing. I came to one row that we normally would've walked around since the trees were growing somewhat close together, but I had one of those aha mom moments and decided to adventurate our way through the row. The kids ate it up! Then we came to another such row, this one even more densely grown together. Kailin exclaimed, "Well now what do we do? We're all locked out!" Too cute!

Maybe it's my muddled brain (a side effect of no medication at present), but I had a horrible time with spacial relation and I kept thinking that all of the trees we liked would be too wide for our house or too big for the stand (although you can't blame my hesitation given our lack of luck with having trees stay in our stand upright for the entirety of the season!). So we walked and we walked and we walked some more. The kids were still doing well, but we could tell that they were about done. Kailin started suggesting that perhaps we really DID want a tiny little tree and both of them inquired often (read about every 30 seconds) about just when we'd get to ride the hay wagon. We finally located the tree we wanted! I took pictures of the kids in front of it and cajoled them to use their "nice smiles" only to discover that it's trunk would FAR have exceeded the maximum allowable size to fit in our stand. We trudged on. Even I began lowering my standards significantly as I could feel myself wearing out.

With a little more walking and a little more creative discussion about the hay wagon ("we need a tree first - it's our ticket to get on the wagon"), we did manage to find a tree that Steve and I agreed was a nice one. I took more pictures of the kids in front of this one and they looked proportionately less happy than they had with the last one. I backed them away and Steve set to cutting. We all got ready to yell "Timber!" and then Colby let loose. He was HORRIFIED that Steve was cutting down (he referred to it as knocking down which tickled my funny bone) HIS "Chritmas tee". I explained that cutting it down was the only way for us to get it home, and he was okay with that. Poor Steve had to drag the thing to the wagon stop. We commenced waiting for the wagon. By this time, it's 12:15 and we know that the kids are hungry and tired, so we're figuring this is good timing. About 12:35 the tractor crested the hill and we cheered. Then it pulled up (with 2 people on the hay wagon and one tree in the rear) and told us that it had another large tree to pick up and that they had no room for us. What could we do but say "okay"? I was NOT happy. Bless my kids - they didn't say a word and didn't break down. Again, far exceeding my expectations. We ended up waiting til 1:15 for the next tractor to come around and then they had room for the tree but not for us. I was just, well, done. I didn't know what we were going to tell the kids who had now waited a full hour (not including all the tromping around time) for their chance to ride the hay wagon and now they weren't going to get to. There was no way we could stand there another 45 minutes. We plied them with the promise of McDonald's on the way home and said we'd have to be sure to ride next year. Then I overheard the driver asking some of the people what type of trees they were looking for. I told Steve that we'd better book it over to the next tractor stop and I bet we could get on as they all got off. So book it we did and the kids got their tractor ride. Colby howled when it was time to get off, but I figured he was owed at least a small tantrum after the adventure of the day. It took us until 2:15 to get the tree shaken, baled, paid for, and on the roof of the Jeep. So now the overtired children wouldn't be napping at all....oh my!!

We got home and got them (and us) some very late lunch and parked them in front of a show so that we could unload and maneuver the tree ourselves. We got it down and to the porch and then Steve trimmed it up so we could get the stand base on it. Cut 1. We then "sized it up" in the front hall to make sure it was short enough to fit in the living room only to discover that we were, for the first time, WAAAAAAAY off on the height of the tree. Cut 2. The results were that we were still laughably far away from a tree that would fit in the living room. Cut 3, 4, and 5 kind of blend together. Cut 6 occurred actually IN the living room and we've decided not to have a tree topper this year. Ha ha ha ha ha. Thankfully we were able to maintain our sense of humor through the whole thing and I love our tree - warts and all. It's got a few branches near the bottom that stick out in a funny way and an area facing the kitchen that is well....nonexistent, but you know, it was memorable and it's got character and it will serve us well. --And it will stay in the stand, upright if it knows what's good for it!!!

So much for the rest of the decorating. It'll have to wait. I don't mind. Lots of things are worth the wait and I wouldn't trade the memories we made yesterday for anything in the world.

Collateral damage and fire shammies

I took Kailin on a shopping spritz (not quite a spree) to the dollar store on Saturday. My mom took her last year to get gifts for Steve, Colby, and me and I thought it might be fun to have her pick out gifts for her grandparents, my mom, and her teacher. It was a blast and she pondered each gift fairly carefully (after having to be reminded that we weren't buying things for her to play with at Grandma and Grandpa's, we were buying gifts we (she) thought Grandma and Grandpa would like to have).

After the dollar store, we stopped at Michael's for supplies for a Christmas craft I have in mind. It mystifies me that you can get 75 large popsicle sticks for $2.99 or you can get 300 for $3.99. I guess maybe adults with no kids would think that perhaps they'd never use the other 225, but there's got to be someplace to donate them - church or somewhere - so isn't it a no brainer that you'd get the bigger package?! Anyway, I had already handed Kailin the smaller package when I discovered the larger one. I meant to balance the larger box on the shopping cart handle until she could grab it from me, but instead it toppled into her lap. With a smile on her face she said, "Mom! You tried to damage me!" DAMAGE? DAMAGE? When did my baby get big enough to know (and use) words like "damage"?

In an unrelated topic, I've been meaning to post about Colby's obsession with his "shammies" (pajamas). He would prefer to wear them 24/7 (wouldn't we all!?) and if (when) he doesn't get his way, he voices his disdain LOUDLY. For several nights he went on and on about how he couldn't wear his "fire shammies" because they were wet. Whichever of us was putting the kids to bed "uh-huh'd" our way through the conversation. On about the third night I thought to ask Steve if he had any clue what "fire shammies" might be. He didn't. I didn't. Kailin didn't. And then a lightbulb went on over my head just like in the cartoons. He has a pair of yellow and red tie dye print jammies. The very next morning I opened his drawer and asked him if those were his "fire shammies" and he jumped for joy and said, "My fire shammies clean!!!!! I wear dem tonight?" I assured him he could. Fire shammies are still a hot (no pun intended) item in his drawer, but I'm sad to report that the full on obsession has moved to his Mickey shammies which are sadly out of season. It's going to be a long, long, winter... ha ha ha.

Making her list....

Kailin is spending the afternoon with a pen and a Target catalog. It was my idea. What I didn't expect, though, was for her to "like" nearly everything in the catalog!! She's "circling up" all the things she likes. She's also selecting some things that she'd like to get her brother, including at least one thing that "is for when he's older, mom." It's really a heartwarming experience to watch her concentrating hard and discussing with (anyone who will listen) herself about what we already have and how she's putting a K on her circles and a C on the circles of the things for Colby. The only unfortunate part is that she's saying "I'm going to get this!" and then circling it up. I have to keep reminding her that she's ASKING for whatever it is. There are no promises as to what she's actually going to get! We'll see how it pans out....look out Santa!

Mom, how do we put the sprinkles on?

Kailin is a fairy for Halloween today. (Colby is a monkey, but that's not as key to the story - although he is a seriously adorable monkey! I feel like that costume was made for him!) We told her that if she took a good nap she could go out trick or treating. She was RARIN' (and if I could make that font bigger, I would!) to go as soon as she came down the stairs. Colby had to be awoken from his nap. As I was awoken from mine, I could feel for his somewhat foul mood and lack of enthusiasm. We put on "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" to warm him up. He got a kick out of it, but Kailin was antsy.

She'd gotten some glitter with a cute feather applicator for her birthday. I'm not a fan of glitter. I like how it looks and I like the joy it brings to my daughter (and if we're honest here, my son as well), but I don't like the lasting effect it has on our life - and last it does!! Once glitter, ALWAYS glitter! Anyway, she'd asked about the glitter several times and I told her I was saving it for a special occasion. I really wasn't, but it sounded good and served it's purpose. I happened on to it the other day while rummaging around in the cupboard and the lightbulb went on. She could be a glitterific fairy for Halloween!!!

So in the midst of her antst (give it to me people....I know it's not a real word), I called her into the kitchen and produced the glitter. She said, "what is thaaaaaaat???????" and I said, "It's special fairy sparkles! We're going to put them on and then you'll sparkle like a jewel (I left off - "and so will the rest of the house and the surrounding neighborhood)!" She lit up as I knew she would and asked, "Mom, how do we put the sprinkles on?" I laughed out loud at the idea of dousing her in jimmies to complete her fairy costume. We sprinkled her and she ran to the bathroom to look. I wondered if maybe she wouldn't be able to see them and warned her accordingly. I heard from the depths of the bathroom, "No Mom, I CAN see them! I'm beautiful!!!" Mission accomplished! The bad news - this adventure used about 1 1/1,000,000th of the glitter. More fun times ahead!!!

Classical taste...

Colby has always been my musical boy. He and I share a true love for music - neither of us can hear it without moving to the beat. I've recently re-discovered my love of classical music and have been listening to it almost exclusively in the last week or so. This morning I've been trying to comb through and pick out some particularly relaxing pieces to put together into a playlist. I don't have a very extensive collection, though, and have been "trying out" some new composers (well, the composers themselves aren't at all new - they're just new to me).

The kids were asking about my headphones earlier today so I decided to let Colby try them out. As I played a snippet of Debussy's "Clare deLune", he was riveted. He looked up at me with his soulful eyes and begged to hear more. I know it's silly to think, but I hope that he'll look back and remember that moment - not necessarily which piece of music it was, but maybe that he shared this moment with me - each of us with an earbud. He probably won't, but I know that I will. It was one of the most everyday, but most touching moments I've had as a mom.

And also, the Paillard Chamber Orchestra and Royal Philharmonic and I don't necessarily agree about which pieces constitute "the Most Relaxing Classical Music in the Universe". They've got some seriously uptempo pieces in their mix!!

Going through the big C and I don't mean Canada...

I'm going to be fine and that is the most important thing. I have thyroid cancer and will have my thyroid removed, have some radioactive iodine (maybe I'll even glow in the dark!), and then take a thyroid replacement medication. The surgery has a pretty easy recovery and once they get my meds regulated (that part could give me a few months of varying degrees of exhaustion from what I hear), I'll be good as new. Perhaps a little "bride of Frankenstein"-ish in the neck region for awhile until my scar fades, but that I can handle.

It's a catchy title, but in truth I HATE the "big C" euphemism. It's cancer. It's ugly, and that's what it is. Call a spade a spade, right? (Really it annoys the living daylights out of me, so here's fair warning against using it!)

The real reason for posting this is because I've been just awed at how much support I've received in the six days since my diagnosis. People from church have offered meals, prayers, and one person near to my heart offered ANYTHING including letting me call and just yell at her! Friends and family have offered to make meals, pray, help watch the kids, clean our house, clean our toilets (I think that one shows a particular degree of devotion) and a college friend even offered to "go cueball" for me in support (although I will thankfully not be losing my hair). As someone who lacks self esteem and has failed miserably at ever overcoming that problem, I'm so lifted up by all of the support everyone has offered. -- That people are so willing to go out of their way to help me fills me up in a way that I know I could never find the words to express. It gives me confidence and I know that it will help in my healing. So thank you, thank you in more ways than you will ever know.

My other reason for posting this is to marvel at God's plan. I've said for a long time that everything happens for a reason, that God has a plan for each of us, and I've truly believed that. I've struggled to live my words in times of deep hurt, but I've taken a lot of comfort in those same times in knowing that we do not suffer needlessly - that our God is a loving God who never asks more of us than He knows we can bear. I've also at times wondered why Steve and I were in such a hurry to have kids after we got married. I know that a lot of it stemmed from wanting to be relatively young parents and also knowing that we'd probably have trouble conceiving, I wanted the show on the road as soon as possible. That said, I think I would've enjoyed some time to just be a couple - a few years to do some traveling or frivolous staying up into the night watching movies.... but then again I know that changing our timing AT ALL would have resulted in us having children different from the ones we have now. And that part I would never want to change. I can't believe how remarkably God matched our kids with us. Kailin IS me. She couldn't be more me if she shared my genes - her emotions are irrevocably on her sleeve and they run high; she is feisty, tenacious, and loving. Colby is so much like Steve - so very laid back, but so caring -- selfless and devoted - yet ALL boy. I do have a point here and it is this. If we'd waited much longer, we'd still be waiting (China is only now referring the end of April 2006 - in the three years we've been HOME, they've not yet moved one year past our log-in date). And China doesn't allow parents who've had cancer to adopt. Although maybe we'd be grandfathered in, my guess is that we'd have to be updating medical forms all along. Either way, I feel like the question of why we pressed on so early in our marriage has been answered for me. There are so many times when you have to just trust in God's plan when only He knows the whys behind it, so it's kind of special to me to feel (whether it's the truth or not) like I got to peek and see the answer key - even if just for a moment.

I've been so blessed to have peace with this, truly. I think that my excellent prognosis has a lot to do with it, but I also have a peaceful acceptance and two doctors whom I trust. This is a bump in my road and a call to remember how precious each day is and to be thankful for all of the blessings in my life -- and there are many.

Can Andrew have a sleep over?

Kailin came home from school yesterday talking all about a new friend. Andrew. "Can Andrew have a sleepover someday?" "No, honey, probably not." "But WHY? I want him to sleep over!" "Well, you're a little young for sleepovers." She bought it.

I inquired further and discovered that Andrew is not actually in her class. He rides her bus. She says he's nice to her and talks to her on the bus. She doesn't know what class he's in or how old he is or who his teacher is. Figures.... ha ha ha.

It's very cute to me that she's having little conversations on the bus that have her endeared enough to ask for a sleepover. Maybe my little birdie is turning out to be more of a social butterfly than I expected!