Collateral damage and fire shammies

I took Kailin on a shopping spritz (not quite a spree) to the dollar store on Saturday. My mom took her last year to get gifts for Steve, Colby, and me and I thought it might be fun to have her pick out gifts for her grandparents, my mom, and her teacher. It was a blast and she pondered each gift fairly carefully (after having to be reminded that we weren't buying things for her to play with at Grandma and Grandpa's, we were buying gifts we (she) thought Grandma and Grandpa would like to have).

After the dollar store, we stopped at Michael's for supplies for a Christmas craft I have in mind. It mystifies me that you can get 75 large popsicle sticks for $2.99 or you can get 300 for $3.99. I guess maybe adults with no kids would think that perhaps they'd never use the other 225, but there's got to be someplace to donate them - church or somewhere - so isn't it a no brainer that you'd get the bigger package?! Anyway, I had already handed Kailin the smaller package when I discovered the larger one. I meant to balance the larger box on the shopping cart handle until she could grab it from me, but instead it toppled into her lap. With a smile on her face she said, "Mom! You tried to damage me!" DAMAGE? DAMAGE? When did my baby get big enough to know (and use) words like "damage"?

In an unrelated topic, I've been meaning to post about Colby's obsession with his "shammies" (pajamas). He would prefer to wear them 24/7 (wouldn't we all!?) and if (when) he doesn't get his way, he voices his disdain LOUDLY. For several nights he went on and on about how he couldn't wear his "fire shammies" because they were wet. Whichever of us was putting the kids to bed "uh-huh'd" our way through the conversation. On about the third night I thought to ask Steve if he had any clue what "fire shammies" might be. He didn't. I didn't. Kailin didn't. And then a lightbulb went on over my head just like in the cartoons. He has a pair of yellow and red tie dye print jammies. The very next morning I opened his drawer and asked him if those were his "fire shammies" and he jumped for joy and said, "My fire shammies clean!!!!! I wear dem tonight?" I assured him he could. Fire shammies are still a hot (no pun intended) item in his drawer, but I'm sad to report that the full on obsession has moved to his Mickey shammies which are sadly out of season. It's going to be a long, long, winter... ha ha ha.

Making her list....

Kailin is spending the afternoon with a pen and a Target catalog. It was my idea. What I didn't expect, though, was for her to "like" nearly everything in the catalog!! She's "circling up" all the things she likes. She's also selecting some things that she'd like to get her brother, including at least one thing that "is for when he's older, mom." It's really a heartwarming experience to watch her concentrating hard and discussing with (anyone who will listen) herself about what we already have and how she's putting a K on her circles and a C on the circles of the things for Colby. The only unfortunate part is that she's saying "I'm going to get this!" and then circling it up. I have to keep reminding her that she's ASKING for whatever it is. There are no promises as to what she's actually going to get! We'll see how it pans out....look out Santa!

Mom, how do we put the sprinkles on?

Kailin is a fairy for Halloween today. (Colby is a monkey, but that's not as key to the story - although he is a seriously adorable monkey! I feel like that costume was made for him!) We told her that if she took a good nap she could go out trick or treating. She was RARIN' (and if I could make that font bigger, I would!) to go as soon as she came down the stairs. Colby had to be awoken from his nap. As I was awoken from mine, I could feel for his somewhat foul mood and lack of enthusiasm. We put on "It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" to warm him up. He got a kick out of it, but Kailin was antsy.

She'd gotten some glitter with a cute feather applicator for her birthday. I'm not a fan of glitter. I like how it looks and I like the joy it brings to my daughter (and if we're honest here, my son as well), but I don't like the lasting effect it has on our life - and last it does!! Once glitter, ALWAYS glitter! Anyway, she'd asked about the glitter several times and I told her I was saving it for a special occasion. I really wasn't, but it sounded good and served it's purpose. I happened on to it the other day while rummaging around in the cupboard and the lightbulb went on. She could be a glitterific fairy for Halloween!!!

So in the midst of her antst (give it to me people....I know it's not a real word), I called her into the kitchen and produced the glitter. She said, "what is thaaaaaaat???????" and I said, "It's special fairy sparkles! We're going to put them on and then you'll sparkle like a jewel (I left off - "and so will the rest of the house and the surrounding neighborhood)!" She lit up as I knew she would and asked, "Mom, how do we put the sprinkles on?" I laughed out loud at the idea of dousing her in jimmies to complete her fairy costume. We sprinkled her and she ran to the bathroom to look. I wondered if maybe she wouldn't be able to see them and warned her accordingly. I heard from the depths of the bathroom, "No Mom, I CAN see them! I'm beautiful!!!" Mission accomplished! The bad news - this adventure used about 1 1/1,000,000th of the glitter. More fun times ahead!!!

Classical taste...

Colby has always been my musical boy. He and I share a true love for music - neither of us can hear it without moving to the beat. I've recently re-discovered my love of classical music and have been listening to it almost exclusively in the last week or so. This morning I've been trying to comb through and pick out some particularly relaxing pieces to put together into a playlist. I don't have a very extensive collection, though, and have been "trying out" some new composers (well, the composers themselves aren't at all new - they're just new to me).

The kids were asking about my headphones earlier today so I decided to let Colby try them out. As I played a snippet of Debussy's "Clare deLune", he was riveted. He looked up at me with his soulful eyes and begged to hear more. I know it's silly to think, but I hope that he'll look back and remember that moment - not necessarily which piece of music it was, but maybe that he shared this moment with me - each of us with an earbud. He probably won't, but I know that I will. It was one of the most everyday, but most touching moments I've had as a mom.

And also, the Paillard Chamber Orchestra and Royal Philharmonic and I don't necessarily agree about which pieces constitute "the Most Relaxing Classical Music in the Universe". They've got some seriously uptempo pieces in their mix!!

Going through the big C and I don't mean Canada...

I'm going to be fine and that is the most important thing. I have thyroid cancer and will have my thyroid removed, have some radioactive iodine (maybe I'll even glow in the dark!), and then take a thyroid replacement medication. The surgery has a pretty easy recovery and once they get my meds regulated (that part could give me a few months of varying degrees of exhaustion from what I hear), I'll be good as new. Perhaps a little "bride of Frankenstein"-ish in the neck region for awhile until my scar fades, but that I can handle.

It's a catchy title, but in truth I HATE the "big C" euphemism. It's cancer. It's ugly, and that's what it is. Call a spade a spade, right? (Really it annoys the living daylights out of me, so here's fair warning against using it!)

The real reason for posting this is because I've been just awed at how much support I've received in the six days since my diagnosis. People from church have offered meals, prayers, and one person near to my heart offered ANYTHING including letting me call and just yell at her! Friends and family have offered to make meals, pray, help watch the kids, clean our house, clean our toilets (I think that one shows a particular degree of devotion) and a college friend even offered to "go cueball" for me in support (although I will thankfully not be losing my hair). As someone who lacks self esteem and has failed miserably at ever overcoming that problem, I'm so lifted up by all of the support everyone has offered. -- That people are so willing to go out of their way to help me fills me up in a way that I know I could never find the words to express. It gives me confidence and I know that it will help in my healing. So thank you, thank you in more ways than you will ever know.

My other reason for posting this is to marvel at God's plan. I've said for a long time that everything happens for a reason, that God has a plan for each of us, and I've truly believed that. I've struggled to live my words in times of deep hurt, but I've taken a lot of comfort in those same times in knowing that we do not suffer needlessly - that our God is a loving God who never asks more of us than He knows we can bear. I've also at times wondered why Steve and I were in such a hurry to have kids after we got married. I know that a lot of it stemmed from wanting to be relatively young parents and also knowing that we'd probably have trouble conceiving, I wanted the show on the road as soon as possible. That said, I think I would've enjoyed some time to just be a couple - a few years to do some traveling or frivolous staying up into the night watching movies.... but then again I know that changing our timing AT ALL would have resulted in us having children different from the ones we have now. And that part I would never want to change. I can't believe how remarkably God matched our kids with us. Kailin IS me. She couldn't be more me if she shared my genes - her emotions are irrevocably on her sleeve and they run high; she is feisty, tenacious, and loving. Colby is so much like Steve - so very laid back, but so caring -- selfless and devoted - yet ALL boy. I do have a point here and it is this. If we'd waited much longer, we'd still be waiting (China is only now referring the end of April 2006 - in the three years we've been HOME, they've not yet moved one year past our log-in date). And China doesn't allow parents who've had cancer to adopt. Although maybe we'd be grandfathered in, my guess is that we'd have to be updating medical forms all along. Either way, I feel like the question of why we pressed on so early in our marriage has been answered for me. There are so many times when you have to just trust in God's plan when only He knows the whys behind it, so it's kind of special to me to feel (whether it's the truth or not) like I got to peek and see the answer key - even if just for a moment.

I've been so blessed to have peace with this, truly. I think that my excellent prognosis has a lot to do with it, but I also have a peaceful acceptance and two doctors whom I trust. This is a bump in my road and a call to remember how precious each day is and to be thankful for all of the blessings in my life -- and there are many.

Can Andrew have a sleep over?

Kailin came home from school yesterday talking all about a new friend. Andrew. "Can Andrew have a sleepover someday?" "No, honey, probably not." "But WHY? I want him to sleep over!" "Well, you're a little young for sleepovers." She bought it.

I inquired further and discovered that Andrew is not actually in her class. He rides her bus. She says he's nice to her and talks to her on the bus. She doesn't know what class he's in or how old he is or who his teacher is. Figures.... ha ha ha.

It's very cute to me that she's having little conversations on the bus that have her endeared enough to ask for a sleepover. Maybe my little birdie is turning out to be more of a social butterfly than I expected!

the dawning of a new age...

The age of Aquarius...oh no wait...that's not where this was headed...

As of September 3, Kailin is officially in school. There is no more home all morning, jammies til 10am some days, breakfast whenever she feels like it. There is now a regimented schedule culminating at 7:45 when I herd six kids out the door and down to the bus stop and then make sure that 2 of them are in the bus line and that the other four are definitely NOT.

I was worried about the first day. Kailin is a bit (understatement) shy in new situations, and when we visited her school and met her teacher on Tuesday of last week she completely clammed up and didn't speak a word the entire time. She got to see her locker, meet her teacher and the aide, put her supplies away, and check out the room. She enjoyed it, and told me afterward that she was excited to go back (thank you, God!), but I was still a little worried. We read a lot of the Berenstein Bears First Day of School last week. --Partly because I felt like it was keeping the "let's go to school! Rah! Rah! Rah!!" momentum going and partly because I've loved that book since I was a kid (the big barrel of clay always looks so fun to me!).

For my part, I think I psyched myself up too much about the end of an era and that she'll never just be home with me again. It will always be summer break or Christmas break or spring break from now on if we have the luxury of lazy mornings. But you know what? When the time came, Kailin merrily boarded the bus, slid into a seat, and smiled and waved as the bus pulled away. I didn't even shed a tear. Colby was a bit of a different story, I'm afraid. First he tried chasing the bus down the sidewalk and then determined that he'd just stay at the corner with tears streaming down his little face and call for Bubbee until she came home again. I finally convinced him that she'd be home at lunch time and that he would see her soon enough and carried him on home.

My heart was bolstered further when she climbed happily off the bus at lunch time (after stopping to talk to the bus driver for a minute - about what, I don't know) and then went into great detail about all the things she'd done and how excited she was to go back. It's always been like nailing jello to a tree to get any details out of her about the goings on at Chinese school or Sunday School, but this was the polar opposite. She told me all about "The Kissing Hand" book and coloring ("Mrs. Hokanson says to stay in the lines") and playing in the house only when the light is on....and on and on. I'm so excited that she loves it so far, and so excited that I can feel free to let her move on to this next chapter of her life without any guilt that I'm pushing her for her own good or that she wasn't ready or that I should've kept her home one more year.

And today, on her second day of 4k, she again happily lined up for the bus, directed me "don't come to my school and watch today"(I assured her that I couldn't possibly do so with all the kids here at home), hopped on that bus and smiled and waved excitedly as it drove away. I know it won't always be this fun for her, or this easy for either of us. But for now I'm going to soak it up and encourage that bright little birdie of mine to venture out away from the nest, explore her world, and be open to all the things it has to offer. Colby only just needed to hold my hand awhile today when his beloved Bubbee rode away, so there's hope for him yet, too.