Midnight wakeup call...

I heard it in the night, in my dream, and then in my reality. A panicked, somewhat terrified, urgent call..."Mama!!! MAMA!!!!! MOMMY!!!!!" It was Colby and I'm pretty sure he had a bad dream. I went into their room and fumbled to his bed and picked him up. He latched on and clung to me the way you see a little chimpanzee cling to it's keeper. It was solid and kind of desperate. He nuzzled into my neck the way that only my darling son does, and relaxed immediately. I sat down in the rocker with him and started to rub his back - up under his shirt - skin on skin. In that moment in the middle of the night it occurred to me that right now I am Colby's only mama. I'm the only mama he knows. When he thinks of mama he thinks only of me and that won't last much longer. I'm okay with the day when he truly understands that he has a Taiwan mama, but it's kind of nice to live a little bit in his ignorance when he doesn't have questions running through his head about why he has a Taiwan mama and if she loves him like I do - or maybe even if I love him like she would have. So as my boy lay on my chest last night with his sweet, hot breath on my neck, I said a little prayer of thanks. Thankful to be his mom and thankful that his other mom chose to share him with me. I'm not always the nicest mama in the middle of the night and I admit it, but in times like last night, I'm grateful that God gives me the strength and patience to be the mom I wish I could always be and the wisdom to be thankful for it.